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Sorry if this is Grandma-and-eggs stuff, but we wouldn't want complaints - especially from Ford Main Dealerships whose bass-playing employees have been using up all their paper and ink.

NORWEGIAN WHALER
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: D
Time Signature: 6/8

SONG NOTES
There are lots of anti-whaling songs about, and one or two pro-whaling songs which have been handed down from the days when it was a normal, acceptable activity. I wrote this from the viewpoint of the whaler himself, with tongue firmly in cheek. Imagine my surprise when I received a complaint from someone who thought I had written a pro-whaling song!

I wasn't sure whether to include the oh-so-obvious reference to Norwegian Wood at the end, but I thought sod it. I even received a complaint about that! There's no pleasing some people.

Yes, we know the line There's plenty more whales in the sea should read There ARE plenty more whales in the sea. No more e-mails, please.

What a D fine day for Bmin bloodshed
So Emin let’s sail the old North A7 Sea
D Prime the old har- Bmin -poon, he said
Emin Let’s go and kill a whale or A7 three
There Emin is no prouder A7 man on D earth
Than Emin this Scandinavian A7 sailor
And I Emin serve the country A7 of my D birth
Of a G fine Norwegian A7 wha - D - ler

CHORUS

G Turn A turn the D North Sea Bmin red
It Emin don’t mean a A7 thing to D me
Bmin Hang him Emin from the Emin7 rig un - A7 - til he’s D dead
There’s G plenty more whales in the A7 sea D

From Bergen Bay to Kristiensand
We turn the blue sea red
From the oil rigs to the Faroe Isles
From the fjords to Peterhead
And we’re despised across the main
From Iceland to Australia
But we take them still - we’re in for the kill
On this fine Norwegian whaler

CHORUS

Our Norway flag’s a sea of red
Behind a cross of death
With a spray of white around the edge
As the whale takes his last breath
Upon our fleet we fly it proud
With bunting and regalia
No pain - no gain
No pride - no shame
Just a fine Norwegian whaler

THE MARY STANFORD OF RYE
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: C
Time Signature: 6/8

When C Master John Stanford of G London town died
They Amin read out his will, and F his legacy spied
It said C take this bequest for to G build me a craft
So that Amin with it my name shouldn’t F die
And give it to the G RNLI C

So they fashioned a lifeboat
of Liverpool Class
Thirty eight foot from her stem to the aft
And a close-reefed mainsail
on a twenty foot mast
And to grant the last wish of his life
Named it Mary, after his wife

She went into service in 1916
And sixty three times
from the boathouse she screamed
‘cross the shale of Rye Bay
through the teeth of the storm
And into the mouth of the waves
All sailors lives for to save

CHORUS
C Johnny come home, they all G sing from the pier
On the Amin 15th day of No - F - vember each year
And C one day the sea she will G give up her dead
And Amin home will come young Johnny F Head
Home will come G young Johnny C Head

Now young Johnny Head
had just turned seventeen
And to serve on the lifeboat was
young Johnny’s dream
His father was the coxswain
his brother in the crew
And to serve he was willing to die
On the Mary Stanford of Rye

On November 15th
with the storm at its height
The Alice of Riga was losing her fight
Seven miles from Dungeness
she was drifting and lost
And the crew prayed and cried to the moon
That’s when they heard the maroon

It was four in the morning when young Johnny Head
On hearing the signal he leapt from his bed
With his father and brother they ran like the wind
That whipped up the furious waves
For there were lives to be saved

CHORUS

To haul out the lifeboat took blood, sweat and tears
It took them two hours
Must have seemed like two years
Exhausted and spent, they set her afloat
And into the barbarous waves
Rowed Mary to Alice’s aid

It was 6.45 when the shoremen lost sight
of the Mary as she pitched out into the night
And at 6.51 the coastguard he rang
saying stand down your lifeboatmen brave
For the Alice is already saved

Nobody knows, from that day to this
Why the coastguard got word at eleven past six
But the message he kept forty minutes or more
While seventeen brave men of Rye
Rowed into the tempest to die

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

It was almost noon on that terrible morn
And the families and launch crew had waited since dawn
When suddenly somebody pointed and cried
And there in the surf and the spray
The Mary Stanford she lay

Her body was battered
Her keel was upright
No close-reefed mainsail
No crewman in sight
They hauled her ashore and they knelt round and prayed
Then gazed out again at the main
And the tears they ran like the rain

Then one by one the sea gave up her dead
First Willie Clark, then young Jimmy Head
Then Albert and Rob, the two Cutting boys
And three from the Pope family
And nine more sons of the sea

But young Johhny Head
He never came home
He lies out somewhere in the ocean alone
His comrades lie buried in the churchyard at Rye
And they keep him a space for his bed
One day they’ll find Johnny Head

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

So the next time you sail around Hastings and Rye
Look to the distance and keep out an eye
And if you see a young man from the RNLI
Standing guard over the foam
You’ll know that Johnny’s come home

CHORUS

HARBOUR LIGHT
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: C
Time Signature: 3/4

C I have a G true love
The F ocean he C sails
From F the bright stars a- C -bove
To the G wide ocean F floor
But C he fears not G tide
And F he fears not Amin gale
For F he has a C beacon
A G light on the Amin shore

CHORUS
And F I need you C now
Safe G home by the F quay
My C true love for- G -ever your F guide I will C be
Your F north star a- C -rising
To G steer you at F night
I will C be your ho- Bflat -rizon and F your harbour G light
I will F be your ho- C -rizon and G your harbour Amin light

If he yields to the sea
Or sails home with treasure
From windward to lee
I will love him the same
With shelter and freedom
In equal measure
Until he sets sail
From my arms once again

CHORUS

Instrumental break
Aflat   Bflat   Cmin
Aflat   Bflat   C
Aflat   Bflat   Cmin
Aflat   Bflat   C

CHORUS

ONE FOR HIS NOB
(Allen Maslen / Paul Johnson) Accolade Music

Key: D
Time Signature: 4/4

CRIBBAGE GLOSSARY
Flush Any five cards of the same suit
Jettison a brace Throw away your two least valuable cards
Lead to me gypsy-o Your turn to play first
One for his nob An extra point for having a jack in your hand
Dead man's hole The final hole before crossing the winning line
(often the point at which one gets stuck and loses the game)
Pegging The first phase of the game
Divvy up The second phase of the game

D Fifteen two
A7 Fifteen four
D Five six seven and a G pair Aflat is A nine
D Five for the D7 flush
G One for his Gmin nob
A7 Nineteen in the D box A7

D It's my shout
A7 It's your cut
D I will G deal the A7 bottom half
We D always keep an ace
And we G jettison a brace
and a - A7 - round the board we D go A7

D Turn the top card A7 of the pack
D You score two points if G it's a A7 jack
You'll D not get far if a G five you lack
A7 Lead to my gypsy- D -o

CHORUS

Never lead an ace or a card with a face
Lead a four and I can't score
Never lead a five
Cos you'll get skinned alive
Thirty one's the goal

The pegging's done so divvy up
Hand and box and your first take
Fifteen four, the rest don't score
Beware of dead man's hole

TIXALL WIDE
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: C (changes to D at the end)
Time signature: 4/4

SONG NOTES
Tixall Wide is a stretch of canal just to the west of Wolverhampton, and is a beautiful spot where many a boater has had his ashes scattered. When they were building the canal in the early nineteenth Century the landowner at Tixall allowed them to pass through his land on condition that it would look like a lake. Rather than take a ten mile detour round the grounds of Tixall Hall, they agreed. The song is dedicated to our old friends Kevin and Jacky Day, who take their boat to Tixall Wide every Christmas and drop anchor in the middle. Mad buggers.

CANAL GLOSSARY
Bolinder: A cantankerous, ecologically unsound single-cylinder diesel engine.
Windlass: That key thing used for opening paddles on lock gates.

INTRO: C / Emin / F / G7

I C am the narrow Emin boat
And I F steer my course a - C - long
The F waterways of C England
From each Dmin dawn to setting G sun
And with C every Emin beat of my F Bolinder C heart
I F pray you'll keep my C spirit
When my Dmin working life is G done
Amin For you and F I, we've worked as G one

And the F mist still rolls G on, every C fine summer's Amin morning
Every F sunrise brings the G light into my E7 eye
But I F know one day I'll G be on that C staircase to Amin heaven
And those D7 pearly gate paddles in the G sky

CHORUS
So please re - C - member when I've Emin died
When I'm F all used and C dried
F Oh, how the C waterways I  Dmin used to walk G beside
In this C world they are my Emin joy
In the F next they are my C pride
So Aflat burn me with this F fire I hold in - G - side
And  Dmin sink my ashes G down the Tixall C Wide

I steer the narow boat
And no greater joy I've found
Than every day another flight
Every night another pound
And I'd give each turn of this old windlass heart
If you will keep my spirit
And I'll keep the sights and sounds
You'll never lay me in cold ground

And the mist still rolls on . . .

CHORUS

He's Amin never known the G house of stone
Where F cold winds never C blow
His F destiny runs G freer than the C winding rivers E7 flow
The F tiller arm's his G only friend
Out F in the wind and C snow
And Aflat all this makes the Bflat boatman
The C richest man I G7 know

Key changes to D for the final chorus

OUTRO: D / E / G / A7
(pinched from Runaway by The Corrs, but don't tell anybody)

SPANISH SHIPS
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: C
Time signature: 2/4

In C 1588 Mary F Queen of Scots did C reign
Up - Amin - on her exe - G - cution, old F Philip, King of Spain
Said C summon my ar - G - mada for F this is the last straw
I'm sending out the G Spanish ships to C war

He called up his best admiral, Senor Sidonia
To gather 30,000 fighting men from near and far
He mustered up a hundred ships
But made just one mistake
He wasn't counting on Sir Francis Drake

CHORUS
Oh, the F Spanish ships again
The C Spanish ships again
Amin Oh, Sir G Francis we're F calling out your name
Where C are you when we G need you?
We F fear we'll all be slain
Here come the G Spanish ships C again

It took him six long years
But the Spaniards he did rout
The odds were stacked against him
But he never had no doubt
Their men were decimated
Their guns and boats were shot
And as they fled for home he sunk the lot

CHORUS
Oh, the Spanish ships again
The Spanish ships again
Oh, Sir Francis, king of all the main
You'll never be forgotten
Not in England or in Spain
We'll never see the Spanish ships again

In 1995 Europe did unite
Instead of unity it brought a different war to fight
The Spaniards they have raised up their armada once again
To steal from our Cornish fishermen

CHORUS
Oh, the Spanish ships again
The Spanish ships again
Oh, Sir Francis we're calling out your name
Where are you when we need you
To fight the Spanish main?
Here come the Spanish ships again

WARWICK ROAD
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: C
Time signature: 6/8

It was C in the house where F I was C born
And F barely G out of my C pram G
The C man on the wireless F told us C all
A -F -nother world G war had be -C - gan
My G mother said son, your F dad's going to C fight
And Amin oh, how the Emin tears they F flowed G
When my C dad in his Warwickshire F uni - C - form
Marched Dmin off down the G Old Warwick F Road G

It was out in the sticks where I was sent
I first saw the fields and the trees
And I played all day in the sunshine of May
With the other evacuees
They treated us well
Far away from the hell
And the heaven of my old abode
And I wondered when if I'd e'er see again
Our house on the Old Warwick Road

CHORUS
F What have they G done to the Old Warwick C Road?
It was my Amin home
Now the fire's gone F cold
Look what they've G done to the Old Warwick F Road G

My father wrote home once a week to my mam
From far from over the sea
The Warwickshire boys were Africa bound
Under Field Marshal Montgomery
She read them out loud in the old nissen hut
As the Dorniers emptied their load
And she wept for days when one set ablaze
Our house on the Old Warwick Road

CHORUS

My father came home from El Alamein
Wounded but, thank God, alive
The battle had raged for twelve nights and days
More comrades were killed than survived
Although he was lame and his war at an end
His valiant spirit he showed
When he joined the Home Guard
And toiled long and hard
To rebuild the Old Warwick Road

CHORUS

From where I live now I can see the old street
And all the old buildings are gone
And I walk the length of the Old Warwick Road
When I go down the town to sign on
A hell of a monument to those fine men
And the gratitude we've never showed
Are the empty dance halls and paint splattered walls
That now line the Old Warwick Road

CHORUS

THE WIRE LINE
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: B minor
Time signature: 4/4 (I'm told the tempo is a rumba!)

SONG NOTES
Written on 3rd September 1995, on hearing the announcement of the first cease-fire in Northern Ireland for thirty-odd years. Several people have picked up on the fact that the words make no reference to one side or the other; it could be sung by a Nationalist or a Loyalist. "We'll keep our guns and drums just in case" turned out to be more prophetic than I realised. We stopped playing it live as soon as the fighting started again. We'd like to play it again, so can you sort it out please?

Bmin A Belfast boy
Born to D austerity
To A stand beneath the flag and born to Bmin fight
It's in my heart
It's in my D very soul
To A hate and slight, despise the other Bmin side

The wire G line
Broken by silence and D peace in our A time
Be - Bmin - hind the wire G line

We never asked
We never questioned why
Hatred was the one thing we were taught
Two different worlds
Two different ways of life
Two different churches for the self same God

The wire G line
Broken by silence and D peace in our A time
Be -Bmin - hind the wire G line
Oh, behind the wire Bmin line

Emin All we were praying
Was leave our children free to sing and Bmin dance
Emin All we are saying
For God's sake give bloody peace a F# chance

I swear to God
There was no turning back
Would I lie to you, just look into my face
Let's talk of peace
Let's all negotiate
We'll keep our guns and drums just in case

The wire line
Broken by silence and peace in our time
Behind the wire line
Broken by silence and peace in our time
Behind the wire line
Behind the bloody wire

ONLY ANGELS
(Allen Maslen / Ron Holmes) Accolade Music

Key: D
Time signature: 6/8

SONG NOTES
We can blame our roadie / sound man Smegma for this one. Smeg and his family are all dedicated St John Ambulance volunteers and he brought it to our attention that 1999 was the 900th anniversary of the St John movement. He invited us to write a song to help raise money for the Kenilworth branch, and we naturally agreed because he is the only one who knows how to plug the speakers in and we'd be knackered without him.

There was one particularly entertaining moment while we were recording the song. Ron had to sing the line Pro Utilitate Hominum about thirty eight times to get it right because Latin was never his strong suit. Afterwards the assistant studio engineer Matt said: "If this song's about ambulances, why has it got that line 'oh you silly tarty, hold me knob?'"

'Twas the D year of 109 - A - 9
In the Bmin town of Jerusa - G - lem
The Cru - D - saders found a A brotherhood of Saint John's G men
Blessed D Gerard he was the A man
Ran this Bmin hospital so they did G tell
Nursed the D sick ones back to A health
So be - G - gan the tale that we A know so well

CHORUS
900 G years, how many A lives?
How D many battles Bmin won?
Sinners we G may be
Saints we will Bmin never be
But G heroes every A one
We are the D angels A of Saint G John
Only A angels
Only G angels

1530, fifty years before the Armada wars
The King of Spain said here is Malta to use for your cause
You'll be safe upon this isle
Tend my soldiers too if you please
I'll charge you rent
A falcon a year
That's why the Saint John's cross
It is Maltese

CHORUS

Eighteen hundred and seventy seven
Saint John Ambulance came to these shores
To save from hell all the victims of our holy wars
And in 1917
In the trenches with their bare hands
They carried the injured and cared for the lame
Grace under fire in this no man's land

CHORUS

Next time you feel life is lost
Just keep Gerard's words in your mind
Pro Utilitate Hominum
For the service of all mankind

CHORUS

THE RIVER AND THE WELL
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: D
Time signature: 12/8

And Bmin only A time will G tell
The river and the A well

Bmin She walks through the A valley
The G valley of D life - her G hair in the D breeze
Bmin Somewhere there's a A river
A G river of D love ob- G -scured by the D trees
And Bmin only A time will G tell
The river and the A well

The dove has flown south now
And all of the trees are turning to brown
The summer behind her
And all of the leaves are scattered around
And suddenly she can see
the river through the trees

CHORUS
Bmin So wind the bucket up A slowly
You G don't know how D deep the G well has D become
Bmin And drink the water down A slowly
You G don't know how D pure the G water has D run
Or Bmin whether the A river has G gone
Long D gone

The river is calling
Don't let it run dry - your life it will take
She knows it is time now
To lay down and die or her thirst for to slake
And only time will tell
The river and the well

CHORUS

MIDDLE EIGHT (time signature 9/8 for this bit)
She G takes her first sip
And it feels like it's A spring
She'd for- D -gotten how A good were the G simplest A things
The Bmin buds open A wide and she G blossoms with- D -in

Now she has her answer
The river is pure - it isn't too late
She'll sing through the winter
And dance through the spring
And her true love will wait
And only time will tell
The river and the well

CHORUS

Bmin She'll sing through the A winter
And G dance throught the D spring
And her G true love will D wait
 

MY TRUE LOVE IS A CAVEMAN
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: G
Time signature: 4/4

C My D true love is a G caveman
C He was lost ten D thousand years a-G-go
B Walked this earth for nearly Emin forty years
C Slipped and Amin  fell upon the F snow D
C He fell in-D-to a freezing G river
C I told him D there'd be days like G this
B I told him no man is an Emin island
C But for the Amin moment this one F is D

B And I will recognise the Emin caveman
C By the weapons Amin hanging from his F belt D
So I'll G see D you a-B-gain my Emin love
C When the G river D starts to G melt

He hid his cries while he was drowning
He concealed the terror in his eyes
Just like a man to go so gently
A man of stone, a bed of ice

And I will recognise the caveman . . .

D One thing you need to under-G-stand
C You must never D touch a drowning G man
A7 He'll drag you under if he C can D

It's such a long time to be travelling
Down a frozen river all alone
But every spring it thaws a little more
The caveman's nearly home
The river inches down the mountain
And now it's finally reached the base
I'll dig him out like he's a piece of clay
Run my fingers down his face

I hope I recognise the caveman
No weapons hanging from his belt
So I'll see you again my love
When the river starts to melt
When the river starts to melt

And will I recognise the caveman?

WITH THESE HANDS
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: A
Time signatures: all over the place

With these A hands I will play D you a A tune
Underneath the white September D moon
And you'll A dance for me and E me for D you
With these A hands I will play E you a A tune

With this voice I will sing you a song
Of the hands that measure time that's gone
And the time that still remains is long
With this voice I will sing you a song

E With these D hands
E With these D hands

With these feet I'll walk a hundred miles
With these hands I'll tremble at your smiles
With these arms I'll hold you for a while
With these feet I'll walk a hundred miles

With these hands
With these hands

F#min With these hands a thousand things
E Make war, make wedding rings
F#min Oils upon the canvas grey
D Sculpture from the E living clay
F#min With these hands we greet the stranger
E Point the  way and signal danger
Bsus4 Applaud the actor where he D stands
Oh, E with these D hands

With these hands caress no-one but you
With this mind and with this spirit too
With these eyes I'll be forever true
With these hands caress no-one but you

With these hands . . .

MERCIA
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: A
Time signature: 4/4

A This song is for Mercia
The D kingdom of my A birth
Merci-aye- E a- A o
For all the men of No Man's Heath who D toil upon the A earth
Merci-aye- E a- A o
For all the men of Kettlebrook  who D sing for all they're A worth
Merci-aye- E a-o
The women of the Avon and the D men of Kenil - A - worth
Merci-aye- E a- A o

D Oh, the C#min fields of E Mercia
F#min Oh, the D fields of Merci - A -a
Aye - E a - A -o

The spirits in the castle and the ghosts at Breedon Hill
Merci-aye-a-o
We will walk together to the fields of Walton Mill
Merci-aye-a-o
We will not take the silver and we will not take the gold
Merci-aye-a-o
But we will walk together down the old Mancetter road
Merci-aye-a-o

D Oh, the C#min fields of E Mercia
F#min Oh, the D fields of Merci - E a
Aye - a - o
 

BEYOND THE MOON
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: G
Time signature: 4/4

G And so they've sent a man to Emin space
Is there a smiling face be - C -yond the moon
Be - G -yond the moon
And now they've sent a ship to Emin mars
Will they have boats and cars be - C -yond the moon
Be - G -yond the moon

C So take me D anywhere but Emin here
Take me any E (major) time but C now
Take me D high beyond the C moon D

G Somewhere high beyond the Emin moon
There is a dawning C sun where time is on my G side

They say we'll all make better friends
It's where the rainbow ends beyond the moon
Beyond the moon
Procrastination, apathy are things we'll never see
Beyond the moon
Beyond the moon

So take me anywhere but here
Take me any time but now
Take me high beyond the moon

G Somewhere high beyond the Emin moon
There is a dawning C sun where time is on my G side
Some day I will get things Emin done
Hey, not today, it's C Sunday
Tomorrow we will G fly

THE TRAITOR'S TALE
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: D
Time signature: 4/4

D I am the civilian
The common G man
It's 1914 in England
D They say there's an enemy and a G cause
They say there'll be bloodshed
They say there's a Bmin war
The soldiers will G level and they will take D aim
Then they will A fire
Be Bmin still my beating A heart
Be Bmin still my beating G he -A -art D

I am the conscript
A letter today
Report to the barracks noon Monday
They'll give me a uniform and a knife
They'll teach me to take an enemy life
They'll teach me to level and how to take aim
They'll teach me to fire
Be still my beating heart
Be still my beating heart

CHORUS
Oh tell me the Amin traitor's tale
C Daddy what was the D fighting all for
Oh tell me the Amin traitor's tale
C Daddy what did you D do in the war?

I am the condemned man who walks in the sun
I am the pacifist with a gun
To die by the firing squad or the Hun
A fatal dilemma and I must choose one
For I will not level, I will not take aim
I will not fire
Be still my beating heart
Be still my beating heart

CHORUS

I am the deserter
The traitor am I
Tied to this stake at dawn to die
The firing squad musters
One bullet each man
I think of the fields of England
Soon they will level and they will take aim
Then they will fire
Be still my beating heart
Be still my beating heart

I am your true love and I will remain
In an unmarked grave
Feet from where I was slain
Remember me not lying here in the rain
But there in your heart and your picture frame
The last word I spoke was to whisper your name
Then they called 'fire'.

THE MIRROR
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: E minor
Time signature: 4/4

Fiddle intro:
C - D - Emin
C - C - B

Riff:
Emin - Emin - G - B
(repeat)

Emin I am the mirror, catch my C hollow gaze
D And hear my hollow laughter Emin
When the eye into the C mill pond strays
D The child goes tumbling after B
Emin Check the reflection, ask your - C -self what do you see
D The long lost child that Emin somebody forgot
And now this face belongs to C somebody not me
D And so the mirror keeps the B lot

C The shadow D we can not ac - Emin -cept
C The one that won't let you for - B -get
Behind the Emin eyes

Mirror mirror on the bedroom wall
I think I'm going to paint you black
If the eyes still have it all
Will the eyes please give it back?
Every demon you have ever known
All the morning afters
Devils never dance alone
And so they swing their partners

In a dance macarbre and grey
The years all dance away
Before the eyes

CHORUS
The mirror C  G
D Secrets and G lies
The mirror C G
Offends our D senses G  five
The mirror C G
Cracked from D side to G  side
Behind the B eyes

I was only hiding from the past
Guess everybody's read the book
Broken ghosts and faded photographs
I swear I didn't mean to look

The devil found these idle hands
Now I can not halt the sands
Behind the eyes

CHORUS

THE MOONROSE
(Allen Maslen) Accolade Music

Key: C
Time signature: 3/4

The C cold wind carries G word of the F birth of a C princess
F Heir to the C lochs from Mall -D7 -aig to For -G - far
And he'll C watch men of G Mull giving F life to the C hull
D7 Rising up spar by slow F spar
G Fashioned by C hand without Amin even a F hap'orth of G tar

The sawdust and linseed, the old copper roves
The oak and the larchwood seasoning in rows
How the rafters would strain with the weight of the timber
The days before carbon and steel
A marriage of wonder
This Amin union of F stem post and G keel C

The F cold wind will C witness the Amin birth of the F princess
And they'll C